A budding forbidden affair…

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You guys…  I’m cheating…  I’m sneaking around MSNBC’s back with… REALITY TELEVISION (which kind of makes sense because if we’re talking about this using a politics and cheating scandal metaphor, reality TV is totally the Gennifer Flowers to MSNBC’s HRC-I’m so sorry Hill, I still totally respect you and want to be with you long term because you’re super smart and seem like a nice lady)…

So, in an effort to confess my sins and feel somewhat absolved… I’m going to lay it down for you-here comes the dirty truth…

First, Bravo’s Millionaire Matchmaker.  It’s exactly what it sounds like and it’s amazing.  Here’s Bravo’s description: In each episode, two wealthy clients are set up with dates hand-picked by Patti. With a brutally blunt approach and a big heart, Patti and her staff — Chief Operating Officer, Destin Pfaff and VP of Matching, Rachel Federoff –- give their millionaire clients complete transformations with the help of personal shoppers, date coaches and therapists.

Now here’s mine: In each episode, watch 2 hapless, yet generally self-important schmucks get verbally abused and chided while simultaneously being coddled and having people served to them like caviar.  Patti, the COO of a 3 person “company” approaches love with  brutality and hilarious expectations.  Rich peoples is crazy.

NEXT: Bravo’s Most Eligible Dallas

What Bravo describes as: They’re young, they’re hot, they’re single –- they’re Dallas’ Most Eligible. From beauty queens to pro-football players, this group of Texas socialites proves that everything’s bigger in Texas –- including the drama. Some are looking for true love while others have perfected the art of the one-night stand, and somehow their love lives have all crossed paths at one time or another. Dallas serves as the sexy backdrop for this jaw-dropping series that follows a group of successful friends living it up in the lone star state… isn’t really that “jaw-dropping” but it’s pretty damn funny…

There are several elements to this particular program that are enticing.  One, it’s set in TX and you can’t help but wonder how your state is being represented.  The Texas thing is kind of funny, because while in my experience, Texans love their state, they don’t actually name-check Texas as much as this show would have non-Texans believe.  “I mean this is Texas… that’s what you do…”  “Oh I’m totally a Dallas, Texas girl!”  “Texas is sooooooooo awesome…”  “I FUCKING LOVE TEXAS.”  Okay, I may have exaggerated, but these people work it into conversation like the State is paying them per name drop.   Next is Courtney.  Courtney is… enjoyable.  I’m going to resist describing her as real or genuine or something equally ridiculous, but I will say that I’ve met this girl.  Not actually met this Courtney, but she is someone very much like a lot of chicks I’ve met, and she’s totally neurotic and hilarious and madly in love with her bestie, Matt, who’s a complete DBag.  She’s also pretty dramatic and kind of secretly bitchy, but not self-aware… So yeah, like a lot of people you probably already know.    Then there’s this Matt person… He is also hilarious because he is totally douchy and watching him successfully surround himself with chicks is both amazing and makes you want to scrub your skin with a cement loofah.  For reals yo.  In one of the episodes I watched, he was on a non-date (at least that’s what he called it, but it was totally a date) with some blonde chick, saw another girl he knew and had her join them.  AND that’s apparently not even as bad as when he took some other blonde chick to dinner and invited two other lady friends to join as part of the date without telling the first lady date (that happened in an episode I missed).  He’s the guy with 5 dates!!  At one time!  It’s both impressive and kinda gross, yo.  THAT’S HOW YOU GET VD.  I digress… The show is basically a high school drama, but with grown ups, more money, and probably less alcohol (but if we’re talking about Texas high schools, who knows…). Conclusions: Rich peoples is crazy.

Now my favorite… And I know I’m not the only one… TLC’s My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.

I could give you loads of talk about how it’s really a study in culture, sociology or anthropology… but honestly… Watch this:

There are MINI-BRIDES.  That’s all you need to know.  Oh and that travelers are WAY crazy.

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